Picture from my bicycle ride today. It was a super cool tree and weather and I was so in now and absolutely didn’t think about the object of my current ifatuation.
Many people want to have a love spell. Something where you can say “ene bene mu”, give the target a drink with a drop of your blood and then Wham….. he / she is in love with you. In esoteric circles there are numerous discussion about the ethic of something like that. I …… I think that like always in life you should be very carefull with what you wish for. 😉
I personally absolutely believe in “love” magic. But clearly it doesn’t work like what I wrote in a first paragraph. It is rather long process with many rituals like exercising, eating in a certain way (healthy!), grooming yourself, knowing some basics of psychology…….
But I think one much more interesting topic is not how to tie someone to yourself, but how to cut the tie, when you feel that you are falling for someone, who is for whatever reasons wrong.
I find few things extremely efficient in such situations:
- Make a hand-written list of all negative features of the object of your infatuation.
- Read this list every time thoughts on how wonderful he is come into your head. If you can read loud.
- Write it down a couple of times.
- Exercise at least one hour every time you think of him
- Do something with your hands, like do the dishes, or mop the floor, or scrub the toilett every time you think of him.
- Continue to be social. Go out even if inwardly it bores you to death and you can think only about the wrong guy
- From my ride today: get out in nature.
There are few finer points, that might sound silly, but they totally improve how well this tricks work. Take a really good paper and good pen with color that has meaning for you, that captures your attention. Try to ritualize every single of this tricks, like you do them in a certain way/special clothing. The purpose of ritualizing is to capture your attention from object of your infatuation onto what you are actually doing. The general idea is to shift the activity in your brain from this desperate “oooooooooo he is sooooooo cute. I get butterflies in my belly when he just looks at me” to somewhere else.
One point on my current “negative” list: The dude is a coward. Biggy negative for me. Everytime I focus on that the whole thing gets manageable.
Laying in my bed and the only thing that keeps me from getting up is a big unstructured pile of stuff I need / want to do. My brain is basically torn with what to begin and as a result does nothing.
Sooo… the central part of today will be biking to the next forest and running there. It needs to be finished before 3 pm because then I play in a poker free roll. Before I need to pick up a friend and do some grocery shopping together. On the way I can try some pull-ups. I can finish my tax return in the evening.
Sooo…. picking up a friend I go!
Talked with my mom and like always it caused a surge of anxiety. This apples she send to me a couple of days ago remain a stress topic. She asks now every time “And did you remove all bad so that the remaining won’t start to rot? You certainly didn’t store them right. How many are rotten by now?”…….. I clearly didn’t tell her that I threw them away. But she continues to produce stress around them. And I can’t change that. It sucks my energy and my best bet is to keep our conversation as short as possible.
It doesn’t help for my anxiety that I didn’t work-out today. That is something that is definitely within my control and so first thing tomorrow will be running.
What to do when someone you like is depressed?
Whatever I write is just my view. I don’t claim to have found the global truth and universal solutions.
Few have depressed people around them. For some it might be one you love. And the question is how to deal with that? I was depressed myself years ago and have tried to support few of my friends in the similar situation. From my experience talk therapy when you and not depressed person is talking is of not much use. It is rather counterproductive to go “Ohhh, your poor bunny”, “Just get over it”, “you need only to eat healthy and everything is gonna be fine”.
However it is super productive if you manage to stick around and to listen to whatever a depressed friend can say. It is often not much and often circles around the suicidal ideation. The trick is not to flip out when someone starts “I wonder hanging on which tree I will look the best” (was one of my favourites. I could go on for hours about that. ), but remain relatively cool, stick around, not to try to commit the person, who is talking about suicide. It is very hard. I mean …. I understood that I am not fun in such situations and I was very happy to have a friend who listened. He didn’t say much, didn’t try to talk me out of suicidal ideation, he was just there and didn’t start to avoid me. It was big deal.
Another friend pulled me out on the regular for a run. And I was not fun. I stood up him many times. I didn’t reply to his messages and hid myself. I never showed initiative to pull him out to do something together. Normally you would drop someone like I was pretty fast. This friend didn’t drop me. He came to my door and pulled me out once a week for a run. We didn’t talk much. I was sooooo not fun. But it was such a huge deal for me that he didn’t drop me despite me being absolutely unsocial.
So basically the central advice I would give is : stick around. Don’t drop people.
Sitting in “planten und bloomen” in Hamburg. Sadly have only my phone for pictures. It doesn’t do the justice the sunshine and fresh greenery and bloom. Happy about my very relaxed job. I am gonna get paid today despite doing absolutely nothing. It is travelling for work. And someone else is driving and i just sat in a car and am enjoying the sunshine now.
Thinking that sometimes life is pretty cool. Thinking how can i transmit some of this feeling to a pretty cool guy who is right now in not so cool place. What to say to someone depressed without sounding smartassy?
Generally what to say to people to make them feel better about themself and life in general?
Feeling high. Fully in flow. My job is sometimes very cool. You know this when I have a task challenging but not too challenging in front of me with exactly the right amount of thinking, communicating and organizing. Fully in groove: “Clap your hands….”
Installed new version of paraview and they have few cool interpolation filters, so that now instead of investing few days myself in programming I can just use them. Feeling good. It is a tiny bit weird which things make me feel high. :D:D:D
EDIT: I loled. apparently either wordpress changes links or youtube. I had
Ricky Martin – Livin’ La Vida Loca and
Clap Your Hands – Parov Stelar
and then I suddenly saw here coco jumbo and something else. Now I put back what I wanted. Will observe if it will suddenly change again.
I have a friend. On one side a pretty good friend. He is one of not many who didn’t drop me when I was depressed. On the other side last many times we talked I had every time bad aftertaste. It comes because he allows himself a pretty arrogant and judgmental remarks in my direction. For example my priority for the flat is as short as possible commute. I am willing to take a lot of negatives in a flat for short commute. Last one was in a high-rise building. This friend said few times that he would kill himself if he had to live like that and that I have to move downtown and that it is depressing and so on. I was pretty happy with the flat. But he was constantly criticizing it in a very aggressive way. Generally he is very high-nosed towards everyone who lives not his way. It is shit-annoying.
He has the expectation that we talk on the phone and that I entertain him somehow, that I have things and stories to tell. I hate phone calls about nothing. I mean….. I prefer wsap, where I can answer when I want and don’t to have to try to keep the talk going when it doesn’t. I told him that. He still insists on calls.
He generally treats me a little bit like my mom does. Now comes the thing: He is not my mom and I don’t love him. So I am thinking about dropping him.
But on the other side there are few positive components: he didn’t drop me when I was depressed. He is a game for many sports-things. If I gonna find myself deep in some kind of shit, he is one of the people whom I would ask for help.
Soooooo…… I don’t know.